Making Self-Supporting Choices
Have you ever wondered why you made a choice that wasn’t good?
Do you want to know why you make choices that work against you rather than for you?
How you feel AKA the state of your nervous system is what determines what you do.
Your nervous system controls you.
A major spice of life is consciously controlling the choices you make so your nervous system is checking itself rather than wrecking your Self. What you maybe didn’t know is that most of what you do is a wired in habit based off of a repeated emotion or consistently made past choice. Your feelings cue you to automatically do something. This could be as simple as brushing your teeth or as deep as drinking alcohol every night. A lot of what you see your Self or other humans do everyday is unconsciously activated.
This is serious information for your life. You need to know how to hack your system…your nervous system, so you can get the feelings, relationships, and overall outcomes you need for your long a$$ life.
The life tool you need to hack your system is the capacity to consciously drive your decision making rather than your nervous system automatically reacting for you. In short, the life tool we all need in our front pocket is making good choices.
Welcome to making the better “good” choices in life to get what you need for longterm satisfaction and those good-good feelings. You deserve this life, by the way - the good life.
Call it good choices, conscious choices, the better choices, or self-supporting choices. Whatever word lights a fire under your well-deserving a$$ is what you are using for your Self.
Okay, just to be clear - good choices means you are making choices that serve YOU. Good choices means you are checking your Self rather than wrecking your Self. Good choices are self focused and not focus don other peoples needs. When you make good self-supporting choices you almost always reap immediate benefits of feeling better about your Self for making them, even if it meant saying no to familiar pleasures, go-to’s, or people.
There are parts of your Self you will have to let go of in order to get what you truly need for a lifetime of love, contentment, and success. Make the f*ing good choice to let go of what is no longer serving you whether it be people, places, substances, or things. You need to put your Self first when making life choices. No one else in life is going to support and look out for you the way that you are suppose to for your Self. You are everything you need to thrive. Get gone the things or people that are holding you back from your good life and higher self.
Why You Make Poor Choices
You are probably wondering why the f* you and I and all of us make poor choices?
We are going to get in to the meat, fat, and juice of this life woe next week. This week I am just going to touch on some facts. We usually choose based on how we feel in hopes to alter that feeling as soon as possible. Let me show you some examples while shining a light on your life blueprint and your 5 fundamental components to life.
When you do not feel good about your Self and lack self belief, you are not going to put your Self first and may choose to serve the needs of others. Yes, this is learned from negative experiences and trauma.
If you do not have a vision for your life and are more-so living on nervous system autopilot unconcerned of the future, the choices you make will not be aligned and will likely be erratic. Not having a life vision is a sure fire way to shoot your Self in the foot time and time again. Why? Because you are saying yes to all sorts of things rather than just the things you need to.
When grit has not been cultivated it is perfectly easy to give up on the drop of a dime. Grit is your ability to persevere and be resilient. Lacking grit is a self-promise to always wanting to give up at the first sign of potential failure.
Here’s the things with failure. If you have an adaptive growth mindset, which I am always going to urge for you to cultivate, then failure does not exist. In fact, failure is a benefit. With a growth mindset you basically kiss failure and say thank you before running off into a sunset of appreciated lessons learned. Yeah. I’m not f*ing kidding. A growth mindset is a powerful mindset. With a G Mindset you accept, absorb, and appreciate whatever it is you just learned from an experience. You don’t bother to label it good or bad from your useless fixed mindset.
Okay, moving away from bad or poor choices, lets scoot back over to what it means to make those yummy life enhancing good choices. And how the f* to achieve good choices even when feeling sh*tty. I am also going to show you 3 life hacks for betterment that you can immediately apply to your life.
Good Choices Change You
Making good choices changes you, and I don’t mean the obvious external changes that take place. Making good choices changes how you feel about your Self and that perpetuates what is called the Good Choice Loop. Good job with those good choices, aye!
Seriously, making good choices is like giving your Self gold stars or pats on the back, boosting you to further make those kind of choices. Making good choices strengthens your self belief, self trust, and overall what you think and feel. Remember, when you feel sh*tty you usually opt for those sh*ttier low level choices because you just want to feel better asap. It’s the amazing converse for good choices - when you feel good, you choose good, and you want to let those good times keep rolling so you choose good again and again and again.
Good for you, for choosing the longterm You by the way!
Are you starting to see that when you choose your Self first and make those good self-supporting choices for your longterm life it seems to magically pan out how is best? This isn’t magic. This is you unlocking the power within your Self and neuroplasticity. What’s happening is your excellent choices are guiding you along a certain path. This path is your life vision. Because you feel good, your self belief is unshakable and strongly self supporting rather than self deprecating. Whatever comes your way, your adaptive growth mindset gobbles it up and say thanks for the lessons learned. Your grit and ability to set goals is what keeps you going for the longterm, with your life vision always in focus and your self belief constantly fueling your forward motion. See how that isn’t magic? That’s just you leveraging all the power with your life blueprint.
You are as strong and capable as you allow your Self to be. What I mean is, you are who you tell your Self and your past experiences will always try to be the loudest story told. You deserve and have the right to reclaim your story and write it how you need for your Self that you know today, not the Self you once were and no longer have to be. Your nervous system tries to control what you do because it is just trying to protect you, after all, that’s what it’s built for. The thing is, nowadays we are more than animals trying to service, we are cognitive beings trying to thrive in a crazy modern world. We have a lot of choices to make everyday; it’s not just about survival tasks everyday. Nowadays, you have so much time and liberty to choose all sorts of useful or useless tasks. Yes, you. It is your duty as well as what you deserve in life to give your Self what you need by making those “good” higher level choices. I know first hand what it is like to work 16 hour days and still show up for my Self. If my neurodivergent a$$ can do it, so can you.
3 Life Hacks
How do you make good choices when your feelings try to be facts?
Here is how to hack your system (nervous system) and make the good self-supporting choices. I am going to break down 3 human-friendly science based solutions to strengthen your ability to choose your needs over your wants. When I say science, I mean it makes life really f*ing simple for you. Go towards the science my friend. Alright, your 3 life hacks to making the better good choices are:
Say No to familiar go-to’s. Life Vision + Stay in your Lane
Detach from your past narrative and reclaim your story.
Ask your Self: Is this a present want or a longterm need?
Dare I say, feeling good is a lifestyle.
What I mean is, your daily choices aka lifestyle you choose is what determines how you feel.
Because you are the responsible party for your wellbeing and nobody else, your internal world is going to determine your external world. In short, how you feel determines what you do.
Life Hack 1) Saying no to familiar go-to’s is a hella strong life hack to making those good self-supporting choices.
Easier said than done, right? Well, not so much when you have clarity on your life vision. What you see, you believe. Okay, so, what you see for you future you feel so strongly about that you are activated to go towards it. This activation is like magic…neuroscience magic. You kind of automatically say yes to the right things and no to all the useless things. How is this possible? It’s possible to know what to say yes and no to because you re not going to say yes to something that is far away from your life vision. You are not going to say yes to something that is going to set you back or send you in a different direction. Your life vision is like your north star guiding light to life satisfaction, so you are not going to want to deviate from your needs. See how this life vision magic is a total reality? Can you see how it guarantees you getting what you need by unconsciously guiding your decision making process? You will see so many sh*tty things leave your life for good once you get clear on your life vision and feel activated by it. You deserve to feel excited, motivated, and elevated to go towards the things that bring you lifelong joy.
Life Hack 2) Detach from your past narrative and reclaim your story.
Again, this is easier said than done if you don’t know about the proper life tools. I am going to hand you a life tool that should never be set down for too long; this life tool does not serve you if it gets lost in your life workshop. Keep it visible and useful on your life work bench. Better yet, keep it in your back pocket. Detaching from your past narrative is you saying to your Self you are more than those negative, scary, abusive, or traumatic moments in your life. You are everything. What’s more, you are the greatest love of your lifetime. You have everything you need when you have you. You hold on to old stories and beliefs because your nervous system is confused and has determined them useful for survival. Listen, your daily negative self talk, anxiety attacks, fear of attachment, or lack of motivation to get out of bed is your nervous system trying to self protect but actually further f*ing up. You’re not f*ed up or broken, your nervous system is just in dysregulation. Nervous system dysregulation perpetuates making not good choices in hope to feel just bit better asap. Anxiety is signaling there is a threat, negative self talk is trying to stop you from doing something, fear of attachment keep you safe from bad people, and lack of motivation could be from having too many sh*tty experiences once you leave the bed. It’s that simple for your nervous system. It’s not that simple for you in this modern world though. Fear of leaving the house is maladaptive, and isn’t going to propel you towards the things you need within your life vision. You have to override this system. You have to hack your nervous system and reclaim your story. You, very seriously, have to override your feelings and drive them up to conscious thought. You need to have conversations with your Self and challenge your Self to do what you need to, not what your feelings AKA nervous system want you to do from past baked-in negative experiences.
If you are feeling fearful to go into a crowd, tell your Self you ARE a bada$$ motherf*ing ray of divine light and no human creatures thoughts matter to your existence. Yes, BE THAT POWERFUL. You deserve to raise your Self up and live in your authentic truth…not some bizarrely negative false perception that nobody likes you, for example.
You would think the book I wrote Reclaiming Life Hour by Hour totally lays this concept out, and it sure does, but not in as much totality as does the book and course program Stay in Your Lane. Just letting you know.
Life Hack 3) Ask your Self: Is this a present want or a longterm need?
Wants vs Needs is a concept that goes hand in hand with your clear Life Vision. Know what serves you longterm and challenge your Self to always go towards those self-supporting choices. Your wants usually come from in-the-moment feelings. Your needs come from thinking and realizing what is fundamental for longterm life satisfaction and contentment.
When you feel the urge, desire, or want ask your Self this: “Why is it important and what is it’s absolute function in my life?”
If it’s not important to your longterm and if it’s function is merely to serve a feeling, I urge you to always try to move way from making these lower level feelings-based choices. You deserve to get what you need, and your needs do not reside in your wants.
This being said, from time to time, HAVE FUN and live life loud. Safety is obviously always your main focus, and derailing your life from a weekend of debauchery is not what I mean at all. As the more brilliant humans always say, if you are doing the better things 80% of the time then you are doing great in your life. Maintaining the 80/20 life rule is an awesome way to gauge if you are in your lane, going towards your life vision, and making those feel good self-supporting choices. When you see your Self slipping more than 20% that’s your direct cue to have those challenging conversations with your Self and better manage how your feelings are driving your decision making.
It is always up to us! You always have control, even if it seems you have lost it. It never slips away from your grasp, just possibly very far from your perception.
All the best today beebs!
YOU GOT THIS
Breezi
