Diminished self belief means a diminished self worth.
It can be hard for me to see how much I mean to others.
How, even the traits I worry about and spend too many hours ruminating on are appreciated by others. You know, like the fact I'm inherently bossy and direct. That I stick to my guns like the sigma I am, no matter if the bandwagon is far elsewhere. Yeah, its those characteristics that make me truly who I am…that I worry about sometimes. I used to be a wreck about it pretty much all the time, like everyday.
My friends value me, for me.
It's important I see my self in the positive light they do.
My bipolar 2 kicks my ass with pummeling negative self thoughts.
It’s hard to stand tall and see my self in a positive light when my thoughts are convincing me I am not liked by the very people that choose to be in my life.
I seriously go through life thinking my friends hate me.
It’s wild. It’s inappropriate. Its f*ing exhausting.
In my early thirties I overhauled my social life. It’s not the first time I have cleaned house on “friends”, but this one was most meaningful because I implemented rigid boundaries as well as a 2 page red flags checklist.
Yeah, I strongly believe we are better off when we implement tools and knowledge to best protect ourselves from low level people and humans.
Use a f*ing red flag checklist for all areas of life. You won't be disappointed.
Obviously, you have to stick to it. Just making one is not rough. There is no magic here. Like all great and successful things there is direct action called effort.
OKay so the story goes that a newer female friend of mine, and her fiance, invited me to spend Easter with them and her mother who is visiting. With my partner being gone that weekend, I jumped on board. I love family activities of any sort. …for the most part.
She had just gotten surgery and was healing. She's texting me that her mom and fiance are stressing her the f* out; they bicker and stuff because they have the same personality or whatever.
Amidst her problem solving to reduce her stress, she suggests the following:
I spend time with her mom and fiance on Easter while she stays at home to get some respite from the incessant bickering. Her surgery was on her heart. They were literally stressing you the one organ that needed to rest! Leave it to an Italian mother and a Russian fiance, ha!
I totally understood where she was coming from, but that diminished self worth really wanted to kick in. Holy f*.
Supporting her decision, the negative chatter kicked up in my head. The conversation topic was a juicy one, of course, as the drama was that my new friend actually made a mistake in inviting me and now actually wants time away from me.
BREEZI WHAT THE F* GIRL
You might be wondering where this mindset comes from. Why am I, quite essentially, paranoid and pessimistic about my social life.
Well, a traumatic childhood can wire one’s brain to best protect them
Unfortunately, my learned self-protective behaviors as a child are now maladaptive as a and ault.
I am over analyzing behaviors. And processing as if I still need to protect my self.
Protecting my self typically means removing my self from the situation as best I can through implementing avoidance and rejection.
I push away what does not feel good.
Because I live with anxiety, I push away the things and people it tries to convince me are not good or not safe.
It’s not the best functioning tool in my brain, at all. In fact, it typically creates confusion resulting in social issues because I think things are happening that are actually not.
Because anxiety sits in the body, I can feel it. When my nervous system becomes affected by thought, I now know not to react because that just further activates and expands the anxiety. No, rather, I identify my body and emotional changes, using that as my cue to begin self regulation and self-appreciating language. If it is really bad, I do intentional movement where my mind can focus elsewhere and begin to relax, such as walk my dog or stretch or hoop dance.
Slamming my neuro pathways with dopamine is a sure fire approach to rewiring my brain to better handle situations where anxiety tries to diminish my self worth.
I can teach my mind and body not only a better response, but I can also rewire as to receive information as a positive piece of my life puzzle.
In a growth mindset, every situation and experience is one to benefit from.
Applying the growth mindset allows my mind to perceive situations entirely different, teaching new meanings and emotions to my self.
As anxious as I was, because I am not a “red flag checklist” kind of friend, I supported her efforts to problem solve.
In doing so, it became very f*ing clear to me she wanted to spend time with ME.
Her problem solving was not to get rid of me; her problem solving was to get rid of stressors, and that was not me at all.
Hey, so glad I did not shut down like I would have a decade ago!
I probably would have started talking to myself about not having her as a friend. That choice would have been one of inappropriate self preservation. It's like when you're the first to break up with your other person; you wanted to convince yourself you have control of that situation and your emotions.
Yeah, I know, this story sounds basic and maybe even ridiculous.
But for those that live and possibly struggle with anxiety, diminished self belief and self worth, as well as a fixed mindset, small occurrences in life can feel like the greatest things to deal with.
Sharing my struggles is how I can best think to help others better build their brain and strengthen their body to make the best decisions as so you can live your best and most desired life. Life satisfaction arrives when we can feel it. It is not a destination or about accumulating certain things, rather life satisfaction is obtained when we feel great about our life. When we look at our life and feel good about what we see, we have arrived at ultimate satisfaction.
Something satisfying about this story, is that just the other day I had offered her a very small postiion wihtin my company. Like, 5 hours per week kind of small. I am not one to hire friends as that is a very important boundary to not play and dance on. In this regard, I know I am protected w=even if she screws up. So, I offered her a job. And, her immediate response was: “Okay, yes, this is amazing BUT……can you please promise we will remain friends no matter what happens with the potion? You are the first person in like 10 years I have enjoyed spending time with.”
DOES THIS SOUND LIKE A PERSON THAT DOES NOT LIKE ME
Does this sound like something I should have ever even had an inkling of pessimism over!?
The answer is an obvious F* no, but obviously mybrain wanted to explore struggle city anyways.
Our brains can serve us or bring us way the f* down.
I know this deeply.
I am always working on establishing an immense self belief and growth mindset in myself as to propel forward and find success in any struggle, whether out in the physical world or inside my brain or body.
Well, after years of high and low life experiences, whether in business or personal endeavors and in conjunction with never ending research, development, and ongoing education, I created a blueprint for life that undeniably rewires your brain and changes your nervous system for successful outcomes and greater life satisfaction overall. It consists of 5 fundamental components that I will mention in a bit and uses groundbreaking as well as foundational research in: cognitive psychology, behavioral psychology, developmental psychology and neuro plasticity, sociology and interpersonal skills, anxiety and depression coping mechanisms, the nervous and autonomic system, resilience and goal setting, and good old fashioned motivational speaking.
Your life B.Print, quite basically, builds the best version of a human in the body and mind, as to be able to thrive in any situation.
We re-wire as to FEEL good about making the best, most important decisions aligned with our vision. Thai is how humans work: we act off of how we feel.
It is pertinent that we feel good about the direction we are going in life, or else we will not do it with great effort or the required consistency.
PS you can rewire how you're dumping dopamine. This is major within the B.Print component of setting and accomplishing Goals.
Before I had a strongly developed B.Print, I made mistake after mistake and felt forever on the hamster wheel of consequences. It was too difficult for me to see, in my old mindset, how my mistakes were typically accomplishments and gifts to better improve. I continually shut my self down every time I felt like a failure, felt shame or guilt, or saw my self as lesser than others.
Developing and forever working on the 5 fundamental components to life’s B.Print guarantees successful outcomes in career, finances, relationships, health, and overall life satisfaction. Those 5 pivotal components are: Vision, Growth Mindset, Self Belief, Goals, and Grit.
My main struggles in life have been with self belief and a growth mindset. I can get very fixed in believing I am a big pile of poo. And then depression gets cozy and super settles in for the long haul. AND THEN I have to begin the hard work of self repair, rather than continuous forward motion when I do believe in myself, because depression is a doozy to overcome and instills the sludgiest mindset that's tricky to clean up. It can definitely feel easier to give up in the short term, but the reality is that giving up just creates further problems that then need to be addressed throughout the long term.
Let's not even get started on the health effects of obsessive rumination.
Nowadays I work diligently to maintain a growth mindset with a solid self belief as to steer clear of another party with depression. I make sure to DO the things that ensure a healthy mindset, such as staying active and a solid morning routine.
Using the B.Print model for life, I can know for certain I am on the right path.
Shoot, a lot of gurus say just VISION alone is enough to thrive in life.
Psychology argues there's a bit more to it than vision alone, and I’ve spent the last decade developing a mighty useful roadmap for life - a life blueprint for how to perceive, function, make decisions, and feel about all the intricacies of life along the road to success & satisfaction.
Maybe you're not ready yet to solidify your B.Print.
Maybe you are in a deep transitional phase.
A great first step is seeing your life how you want it.
A great first step to be happier, healthier, and honestly having more money is by having a VISION for your life.
Are you ready to see it and believe it beeb?
When you’re ready feel free to download the free workbook + interactive modules to get your most best and authentic life started.
This is a lifestyle. Join the movement.
All the best today beebs!
YOU F*ING GOT THIS