We all say we want authenticity, but most people are deathly afraid of it.
And what's more, is that millions of people today feel disenfranchised as human beings – they feel alone with their pain and vulnerability. Did you know this? I did not, but had a feeling.
We are creating a world of hurt, for our self and others.
When we hide all of our bits - our true colors - we teach our self and others that we should fear difference, originality, authentic behavior, and hide our shining truth.
BUT, when we show the world exactly who we are, with good intentions and a positive disposition, we teach our self and others that it is okay to express freely and to honor the shadow side of life equally as we do the light. And we realize the greatest things happen in reality when we are authentic. #justB your truth.
The greatest reality comes to life when we are our greatest authentic version of our self.
B Vulnerable, B Authentic
Being yourself means being vulnerable to criticism and risking real failure. And because of that, while few would argue with the importance living an authentic life, many of us still struggle to do just that.
It has become scary being authentic in the modern world.
Sure we praise weirdness momentarily on the internet, but we never adopt or prescribe to it.
"I wish my life was as amazing as this person I Follow online."
No, you don't.
In fact, their life online is a tiny portion of their complicated and real life - they just aren't sharing all the bits.
Why? Because we do not believe it is a good thing to show the shadow side of life.
The reason most people follow conventional routes is they are supposedly 'proven' and 'safer,' and therefore more likely to yield success,"
And this might be why we Like cookie-cutter accounts the most. Typical and pretty yoga poses, squeaky clean or funny couples, commercial companies keeping up with cancel culture demands rather than honoring authentic philosophy, perfectly placed makeup, and so on.
The powerful work of Glennon Doyle Melton reveals in a stunning, breathtaking way how inauthentic (avoiding telling the raw truth) the vast majority of people on this planet are, not because they want to be liars or withholders, but because they’re deathly afraid to be real.
Insert: Herd Mentality.
We are taught it is not safe to share the realness of our challenges, and we’re scared to be ostracized and judged. And from a societal perceptive, it isn’t safe. We are scorned, rejected and alienated when we do.
"Otherness"is not what we want.
Otherness, is what we should honor.
We run from being authentic, and of being in the presence of real, brave, uncensored truth-telling. It's hard to say if we even know how to totally behave or think 100% on our own without external forces altering our decision making. And worse, our judgments and fragile, scared egos (yes, I said it and it's important to be honest with ourselves) go totally crazy. We’re overcome by the reaction of “I don’t resonate with this darkness at all, and I hate it!” I believe that so much of our fear of hearing raw truth comes from the fact that we don't know how to be empathic and nonjudgmental to the capacity that we deeply could. It is mighty difficult for most of us to step in other people's shoes and feel what it feels like to be them.truly.wholly. And that's why there is so much hatred and rage in the world.
We push away all that is not conformed.
"Haters" and "Negative Commenters" are jealous or uncomfortable.
Did you now? Haters and negative commenters likely are very judgmental and negative, on themself - they lack self compassion and empathy. Essentially, the practice of negative self speak has been perfected to the point of being able to project it out into the world and onto others.
I realized I have thousands of negative thoughts and negative self talk weekly. This I not okay for my wellbeing and how I perceive others.
The problem is that judgments are the death of peace.
I can struggle to be at peace with my self as well as with the world.
Tip: Look at what you’re so afraid of about yourself.
This week, start watching your thoughts. (The average person has about 48.6 thoughts per minute so it’s not easy, but try!). See what realizations you begin to have about the thoughts you habitually think and what disturbs your peace, love, calm and connection to others. Then think how the thoughts do not serve you, and hold you back in social life, connection, higher cognizance, rational and emotionally regulated thought patterns.
Jealousy runs deep.
Realize that what you reject in others is from fear.
Some people will say they do not want to let in the dark and negative stuff that other people share. They do not “resonate” with it and don't want to focus on it. The problem with that type of thinking is that you then force yourself to reject every person on the planet who has darkness inside of them – and folks, that is everyone on the planet. Without dark there is not light t- without yin there is not yang. Your rejection of darkness is a form of denial: “If I don’t choose to see it, then it isn’t there.” It IS there, and it is inside of you as well, until you allow yourself to see it, feel it, send love and light to it, and face it.
You’re simply not seeing it and are rejecting others because you’re deeply afraid that you can’t handle it.
With each day you lean in to your discomfort and fear, the better able you become to emotionally accept differences and darkness, including your own.
Tip: Don’t separate yourself from others or from your own darkness because you’re afraid. Take a step to get out of your small, controlled, sheltered sphere and be with different types of people who are struggling. Find it in your heart and soul to connect on the deepest level with people who don’t “look” or “sound” or “act” like you, who don’t travel in your circles. Expand your horizons and let in a wider range of human experience, and learn to love, respect and value all of it. Only then, can you really live the life you dream of, and feel the love, connection and acceptance you’re desperately longing for.
Sometimes we do not feel the best about our self. Tell yourself a new story that makes you the hero of your life, not the loser. Understand what and who has formed and influenced you from the past, but know that those influences are from the past and don’t have to continue to hold you down. You can shape your future differently, right now. We can always blaze a better pathway than what we have been shown and/or self-created. No one is perfect.
Tip: Realize your dominance and control. Understand the dominant way you take action towards a goal, and what you need to motivate you to move forward, and start leveraging your dominant style more fully. Stop pretending to be someone you’re not. Forget that. Just recognize who you are at your core and honor your authentic self. You will find YOUR people, your community, and your ultimate contentment.
Why Do We Push Away Authenticity?
Where do these abusive, non-empathetic behaviors come from?
- immature behavioral patterns
- lack of development
- discomfort due to perception
- lack of conformity is not safe for herd mentality
- low capacity for compassion and empathy
- failing to realize we are all inherently different
We Fear Authenticity and Praise Inauthenticity
"I would be happy if my life was like this person."
"I Follow this account because if my life was like hers, then mine would be perfect."
On my personal social media account for hoop dancing, I get slammed for my dance fusion that is hip hop hooping.
When we learn about respecting dance cultures and honoring them, you realize quickly I am not hurting any person and am cultivating something great within the dance realm.
When we learn what Hip Hop culture stands for, and what is does not, we can quickly realize we are supporting accounts and humans that are blatantly disrespecting, profiting, and degrading communities, human groups, and cultures.
If someones life seems perfect, they are feeding you bullshit and lies.
We live for the lie.
Why? Because we are taught to fear authenticity and shove ourself into a self-acceptance box.
Avoiding Otherness and honoring Herd Mentality is going to hurt you, for a lifetime.
And, if anything, is lining the pockets of many undeserving assholes.
Every day I have to work hard on my self to amplify my thoughts and maintain healthy optimism.
I write down what hurts my self and others, and address it directly.
Speak on it, act on it, think on it.
All the best to you and your fabulously authentic expression, beeb!